2) Principles for a Happy Marriage
Love, respect, communication, and biblical roles for a blessed union
God not only instituted marriage: He gave us principles so that it may be a source of blessing and joy. Happy marriages do not happen by chance; they are built daily on solid biblical foundations.
The Foundation: Sacrificial Love
How should husbands love their wives?
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Answer: As Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her
Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
The standard for the husband’s love is Christ: sacrificial, unconditional love that seeks the good of the other even at a cost to himself. This is not a love based on feelings, but on commitment.
What does it mean to 'love your wife as your own body'?
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Answer: Nourish and care for her as you care for yourself
Ephesians 5:28-29: "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:"
“Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love.” — Ellen G. White, The Ministry of Healing, MH 361.5.
The Role of Respect
What does the Bible specifically instruct wives regarding their husbands?
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Answer: That they respect their husbands
Ephesians 5:33: "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."
While husbands are instructed to love, wives are instructed to respect. This does not mean that wives should not love or husbands should not respect. Both are important! But the Bible emphasizes the primary need of each.
Is the wife's submission slavery or inferiority?
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Answer: No. Biblical submission does not mean inferiority, but must be understood in light of the husband's sacrificial love and the fear of Christ
Ephesians 5:21-22: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."
Ephesians 5 begins with the Christian disposition of submission in the fear of Christ. Then Paul applies this principle to marriage, showing distinct responsibilities: the wife is called to respect her husband’s leadership, and the husband is called to love sacrificially as Christ loved the church. In no case does this authorize oppression, harshness, or moral superiority.
Communication and Conflict
How should we deal with anger in a relationship?
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Answer: Do not let the sun go down on your anger
Ephesians 4:26-27: "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil."
Conflicts are inevitable; what matters is how we resolve them. We should not let unresolved issues accumulate. Resolving before bed prevents bitterness from taking root.
What type of communication destroys relationships?
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Answer: Unwholesome words (destructive, deprecating)
Ephesians 4:29: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
“Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in each other.” — Ellen G. White, The Ministry of Healing, MH 361.2.
Intimacy in Marriage
What does the Bible say about sexual intimacy in marriage?
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Answer: The marriage bed is undefiled
Hebrews 13:4: "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."
Sexual intimacy within marriage is pure and blessed by God. The Song of Songs celebrates romantic and physical love between husband and wife.
Should husband and wife deny intimacy to each other?
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Answer: They should not deprive each other, except by mutual agreement and temporarily
1 Corinthians 7:3-5: "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
And Now?
Principles to apply today:
- Husbands: Love sacrificially. Ask “what can I do for her today?”
- Wives: Respect genuinely. Honor your husband with words and actions
- Both: Communicate with kindness. Avoid destructive words
- Both: Resolve conflicts quickly, do not let the sun go down on your anger
- Both: Seek to strengthen your union by caring for one another in every area, from emotional and spiritual life to physical intimacy
- Both: Put God at the center. Pray together, study together
My Decision
I desire to build my marriage (present or future) on biblical principles. I commit to loving/respecting my spouse, communicating kindly, cultivating intimacy, and keeping God at the center of our relationship.